MM T 2800. Sketchbook

Sketchbook containing literary drafts    Listen to a reading of the text

MM T 2800, p. R

    

MM T 2800, p. 1

Delivered to Blomqvist        6-4-08
Van de Velde       35 Kr
Madame Schwarz       —    
Schwarz  Child      —
Chemnitz Child      —
Salome      —

MM T 2800, p. 3

    A Hullabaloo was raised when
in accordance with his conviction
Clavenæs  warned
Against Bokken  and Drachman ’s
many Cohabitations –

    A Hullabaloo was raised by the
very same [person]  because I
travelled twice to Italy
with F L.  as her Nurse
in order to save her Life
And that was not all I was
maligned as a Swindler
and a snare was set up so that I lost
my Hand

MM T 2800, p. 4 

MM T 2800, p. 5

    It is just too much to witness
all this Love said H  – now
in the Spring and with all these lovely Girls
roaming about here –

    Yes I said couldn’t one
be attended to by one of these – who are already
experienced in Life – or are about to
become old without having loved –

    We two could we not help
one another – We who are not
struck by that great glorious Love –
that burns in a magnificent Flame –
– We walk about looking at the Happiness of others
– we watch the Birds mating
and the Flowers unfolding –

MM T 2800, p. 7

could we not meet as Friends
and Help one another in our lonesome
Thirst –

    Yes says Hauge  what shall we
do we Men – when we do not
meet anyone – Prostitutes are repugnant
and we [might] catch a disease –

    With married Ladies it is also distasteful
always lying and deceiving –

    – Yes I say – a few years ago
a Woman came to me – a Young lady
from a good Family – it was in the
Country – and said –

    If we were natural and good –
then one could travel out to
a little Island – two people – an enchanting
Island – with small Flowers – and a bit of
Shrubbery – and blue Water and green Meadows
to just be there two Human Beings

MM T 2800, p. 9

    – Yes why shouldn’t one do
that?

    It was also Spring – and I thought she
was beautiful –

    Yes I think so too I said – and
then we went into a little Verdant wood
– where the Sun shone [down] between
the Trees and where there were green Meadows and
small Flowers –

    It was not an immense dark Spruce forest
full of nasty Animals and Serpents –

    – After a Spell she came to
me and said – I love You –

    – I did not respond –

    I am Your Friend I said –
She left –
The next Day she
returned – I want to kiss You I

MM T 2800, p. 11

said –

    No she said –
I did not respond and sat quietly – and she
left –

    She returned on the third Day –
would You like to have this Ring [s]he
said –

    Yes Thank-you very much I said –
Would You like to have this I said –
Yes I would like that very much she
said and put it on her Finger –

    We did not meet again –
– We were drinking Sherry – It was rather beautiful I said
Ugh there comes Ch  – and he will
want us to gamble said Hauge  –
– He seeks us out only when
he wants to win Money –

    We have none I said when he
arrived –

MM T 2800, p. 13

    There was a Commotion in the Corner
– Jappe  was sitting there with Kr  and
had fallen off his Chair –

    – Yes I saw it happen said Hauge  – he
got those Delirium eyes when
Madame K . left him –

    I am beginning to get tipsy –
Shall we go –

    Very well –

    Where will we get Money for Dinner –
– I have to withdraw Money
from the Bank said Hauge – I have invited
Drachman  and L  – for Champagne –

    And I laughed as we went our separate ways –

MM T 2800, p. 15

    I began work on a new Picture
The Dance of Life –

    In the Middle of a Meadow on
a light Summer night a young Priest
dances with a Woman with
flowing Hair – They look
into one another’s Eyes – and her Hair
encircles his Head –

    Behind them a wild
crowd of Figures whirl – fat Men
biting the Necks of Women –
Caricatures and strong Men
embracing the Women –

    (To the left a Woman
in a flower-patterned Dress approaches
while reaching for a Flower –

MM T 2800, p. 17

    Brandt   was agitated – If only he
could sell the large Painting to
the [National] Gallery – For years he had
gone and wasted his
Energy on the Streets and in Cafés – and
was unable to work
properly – and [paint] everything he
wished to paint –

    The large Frieze the Frieze of Life
that he had begun
many Years ago – which would
depict the Cycle of Life –
the awakening of Love – The Dance
of Life – Love
at its Peak and its Decline
and then Death –

MM T 2800, p. 19

    – He consumed his Energy
in procuring the bare amount of Money for
Food and Paints –

    Brandt  eventually encountered
first one then another of
his friends – had a drink everywhere
– Around 12 o’clock he sat
intoxicated with a Drink –
until the Hall closed – and he
went home and lay down
on his Mattress –

    After a While he is
awakened –

    Hauge  is standing in the Doorway
Smiling – warmed by the Wine – Pardon me

MM T 2800, p. 21

I see I am disturbing You – but
I have arrived with a few Friends –
– He had come up the
Main staircase – and had to pass through
my Room to get to his –

    – Be my guest I said –
and through my Room strode
a file of Men with Hauge 
in the Lead –

    There were about 30 of Them
– I got up and went into
Hauge’s room –

    May I introduce you – the Postmen’s
Society has had a Celebration I
have invited them –

    And Hauge with glass in Hand
began a lengthy Speech

MM T 2800, p. 23

    I went to bed dead tired and dead drunk
in the early Morning ‹and awoke in a nauseated stench›

    I spoke with Miss L  – about
free love –

    Why should two adult Persons
[not] love one another I said –

    – Yes why not she said –

    – I thought what if I should kiss
her –

    She stood rigid and still –
Then I went into the adjascent room – and
sat down on the Mattress –

    – She came over to me

MM T 2800, p. 25

and looked me in the Eyes – she had
small brown somewhat piercing Eyes –

    Now I am going to do something strange
she said –

    She massaged me with her Hands
across my Brow –

    What are You doing I asked?
Are You hypnotising me –
– Immediately after she stood at the Door
of the Studio –

    A Long – thin Face – and piercing
Eyes – surrounded by gold hair like
a Halo – A strange Smile – through the
tightly drawn Lips – Something of a Medusa head

    – An inexplicable feeling of Angst came
over me –

    A Shudder –

MM T 2800, p. 27

    Then she left – and I began
the Dance of Life –

    In the Evening I dreamt that I
kissed a Corpse and jolted upright in Angst
– I had kissed
the pallid Smiling lips of a Corpse –

    a cold clammy Kiss –
And it was Miss L .’s Face –

    One Day I say to Miss L. what shall
a poor Man do who cannot
experience true Love – who
cannot marry – first of all
Marriage impedes art – and one who
has already been burned by Love
cannot love anew –

MM T 2800, p. 29

    In the hall I said as she
descended the Stairs – I
nearly kissed You –

    She paused –

    – Then Try again Tomorrow she said –

    – The next Day I painted
her without saying anything –

    – The Picture began to
bore me – I wanted to
end – everything – When it
came down to it she made no Impression
on me –

    I wrote to her the same
Day – Miss    I thank You for

MM T 2800, p. 31

having sat for me – the Picture is actually
more or less finished – I will write
to You when the finishing touches are required –

    I had no intention of writing and
she was soon out of my
Thoughts –

    Time passes as before – But
the Feebleness increased The Attacks became
more intense in the Morning and I
am still waiting for the Sale of
my Pictures

    – At long last I heard that I could
expect a Sale –

    On to Paris – get my Frieze
finished [then] back to my good Friends
in Paris – to see the old Places again

MM T 2800, p. 33

and then I had to treat
my Friends – the Drinking became more intense
the Attacks more frequent –

    I occasionally also had
Bouts of Rage – On occasion I
got into Brawls with
someone or other

    – When the Money was
paid out to me I would travel to
Paris –

    In the Mornings I
painted the Dance of Life –

    I was now working mostly on
decorative Pictures, I wished to

MM T 2800, p. 35

convey something – that which lay close
to my Heart –

    – To copy Nature –
We could not surpass Nature
anyway – better then to depict Emotions
– one’s own –

    How could one paint real
Lamentation from Nature – As it was
felt when one was utterly devastated
to the core of one’s Being the way that Woman
whom I saw at the Hospital for venereal
Patients lamented – with the sickly pale
naked Child in her Arms. She who
had just now been told – that her
Child had been doomed from Birth –

    – That distorted Face – swollen

MM T 2800, p. 37

Lips – crimson red bloated
Cheeks – Her Eyes mere slits from which
the Tears ran – and a purple
Nose –

    – This Face distorted by Despair
must be painted as I saw it
then against the green
Hospital wall –

    And I must paint– the searching
suffering Child’s eyes as they once
stared out of the pallid
yellow body of a Child – white as the
white Sheet it lay on –

    I therefore had to Renounce
many other things –

    Accuracy in the Proportions – and the proper

MM T 2800, p. 39

Light effects –

    – A Great Portion of the Picture was
like a poster – broad – and empty –
but the finest Parts – where
the Picture’s Anguish and Solemnity
were to be expressed – I hoped
to make all the more sublime –

    – And now the Public – everyone
laughed at the Picture – and it was
found to be offensively immoral –
and I was to be stoned again – laughed
at –

    And I knew that the Charge of
Immorality would torment me
even though I intended on the contrary
for it to be Moral –
And I would have the mark of a Criminal stamped
on my Forehead –

MM T 2800, p. 41

    I reached for my Hat to
take my usual Walk in the Street
– On the Stairs I encounter Miss L 
who is on her way up in a flurry

    – Oh – Good day – I merely
– came – she says catching her breath to
invite You along on an Outing to
Holmenkollen  – Several of
Your Friends are coming –

    Yes thank-you – I will come – I say
and take Leave of her –

    I had not seen or thought
of her in a Fortnight –

    Well he was expecting
Money from the Gallery soon and then
he would take a trip abroad – A little Company

MM T 2800, p. 43

first – would not hurt –

    There was a large Gathering in the
Dining room up at Holmenkollen  –

    I sat Next to Miss L  –
a young Madame on the other Side –

    I disliked the fact that she without further ado
had placed me Next to her –
Then there were various Friends of mine
and of hers –

    – She did not make a particularly
pleasing Impression on me
Her Arms too long – and inelegant
Movements – I preferred the little Madame
Next to me –

MM T 2800, p. 45

People were eating and drinking – and Spirits
rose –

    Miss L  had placed Graduate K 
far off in the Corner I knew
that he had for a long time been Somehow
engaged to her –

    I did not like this –
did she intend to aggravate him?

    – Look at those two over there says little Madame B 
– They are happy – now

    – A Couple of Years ago she
was married to another who
had Consumption – while
lying on his deathbed he
sees that she his Wife is with child –
– A terrible Anguish grips the
Dying man – he drives her away –

MM T 2800, p. 47

    She leaves him – for Pleasure Love
and Life in the Arms of her Current [companion]
– The Other one has entered upon a terrible solitary
Journey into the Realm of the Dead –

    One Year later Madame H  is sitting
curling her blond Hair over a
Kerosene Lamp –

    When the black Soul of the Dead man rises
up out of the Lamp –

    It explodes – and she is surrounded by
a sea of Flames – The Man rushes
in and burns his Hands –
– People come to their Aid
– They are rescued – but the Lady has
burns over her entire Face and
lies in critical condition in the Hospital

MM T 2800, p. 49

Come let us go out on the Veranda
says Miss L  – Come along You too Madame H .

    – Out there in the chilly Air under the
Starry sky – their Faces took on
a strange mystical Expression
and their Voices sounded as though they came from
afar –

    Dance Madame H  said Miss L – and the little
nimble Madame H. – graceful and
light-footed – danced – the little round smiling
Head thrown back and forth –

    – Well – if it isn’t the Can Can she
is dancing – the kind one dances
at the Bullier  –

    I was dumbfounded – nonetheless she
was beautiful – and graceful–

MM T 2800, p. 51

    Brandt  was aroused by the Champagne
and more Wine was brought in –

    – Come let us go upstairs says Miss L  –
– They were in the Ladies’ Dressing Room
– Isn’t Madame H  graceful –
– says Miss L – You can bet she
has a pretty Chemise –

    – Would You like to see –

    Come, take off your Bodice – says Miss L.
– and she unbuttoned the [dress of the]
little plump Madame – the plump naked
Arm appeared – and the golden
Breast lay there hidden in the white
– Silk shift –

---

MM T 2800, p. 53

I had remained standing with Madame H 
in the dark Stairway –

    We looked into one another’s Eyes –
Her deep large luminous Eyes
came closer to my Face
Our Lips met – in a prolonged
Kiss – it lasted a long – long time –

    You You – we said gazing in each
other’s Eyes once more

    – In the Hall they were waiting
for us – the Guests watching us

    – but the Madame and I were drawn help-
lessly together – and we soon found ourselves
sitting on a Sofa in an adjascent room –

MM T 2800, p. 55

    Then Miss L  comes in – and sits down on
the other Side –

    I was intoxicated – and I kissed
Madame H  once more – I look up and meet
Miss L’s small piercing Eyes –

    – In capitulation – I hold her
around her Waist and place my Mouth
against hers – I felt two
narrow clammy – cold Lips against
mine –

    The Dream – It was the Kiss of the Corps
from the other Night –

MM T 2800, p. 57

Miss L  . – the Merchant and Madame H   and Hauge  
and I drove together – to Town
– On Karl Johan Street  – the Merchant and
Madame H took Farewell and drove home –

    We three remained behind in the
late Night – We strolled slowly down
the Street until we stood in front of the Grand  –
Miss L I said, we might as well each go to our own
home – shall I accompany You –

    She stood motionless –

    I tried to walk on – but
she lingered behind –

    Shall we take a Room at the Grand and
talk said Hauge –

    – Yes let us do that said Miss L –

    – There we sat in the little room
until Dawn – and Before we
left I kissed Miss L –

MM T 2800, p. 59

But the next Day my Thoughts were with Madame H 
– We met one another the following
Days at the Grand Hotel ’s Dining Room
together with the Merchant and Madame H
In the Evening Merchant and Madame H
went home and I accompanied Miss L 
Home – We kissed one
another goodbye in front of her Entrance

    (After Aasgaardstrand 

    – We sat at the Gran[d] Miss L and I –
– When one cannot truly
love for a Lifetime or cannot
marry as I – for I have seen too much
from the time of my dark Childhood –
– then one should as Friends
be able to allow one another

MM T 2800, p. 61

to experience something of this strange
Mystery –

    Yes she says but [what of] the Dangers –
the Diseases – and other things

    Yes I say but all of this one might
be able to avoid
– as Friends –

    One bright sunny Morning Miss L 
and I are sitting at a Café – Birds
chirping a Magpie chased through
the blue Air – People were on
their way to Work –

    We had lain the whole Night long
in one another’s Arms – the
whole Night long belonged to one another

MM T 2800, p. 63

    We avoided looking one another
in the Face

    Two Strangers –

    I had not seen Hauge 
lately –

    At Night I heard him come
in with different Women –

    – My bouts of Heart palpitations had
increased drastically – I had to drink
a lot to keep myself on my feet –

    One Day I had Chills and Fever –
and had to take a room in
a Hotel – I had come down with
Pneumonia –

MM T 2800, p. 65

    I was in bed with a high Fever in the little
Hotel room –Miss L  came to visit now and then –
– I had been lying there for 3 Days
when J N.  comes up to see how I am doing

    – Listen – You need a Doctor
I’m going to phone Koren  –

    Koren was the doctor who treated the Bohemians Gratis –
– He was a tall red-nosed Man
who was somewhat religious and a
Prohibitionist –

    – Yes you must have medication for
the fever and a Sleeping potion You have a very high
Fever – you have Pneumonia

    Some time later Miss L comes up
– I have been given Medication and a
Sleeping potion I say and now I will sleep

MM T 2800, p. 67

until Morning and that will help –

    – After a While she says Good night
and leaves – and I fall asleep –

    – I am suddenly awakened
Someone is knocking on the Door – in
comes Miss L  – Smiling radiantly
with her Hair flowing – and behind [her] 
my Friend Skredsvig  the Painter –

    What Time is it I say
12 – well then I have slept a Couple of
Hours I say –

    – Let us have Champagne I – say
– the Champagne cork pops –
– why don’t you Sing Skredsvig says Miss L –
– and Skredsvig sang – Look here said Skredsvig
Miss L has given me this
Pin

    The Fever pounded in my Temples

MM T 2800, p. 69

My Eyes burned and stung from the Fever
– My Cheeks glowed like a Fire

    – Miss L . knelt in front of the Bed
My Prince – she said and lay
her Head of golden locks on the edge of the Bed
– you are so handsome when you have Fever

    Well now you must sleep she said
– adieu my Prince –

    The Light was extinguished – and the Fever burned
in my Veins – my Heart began
to pound – I could hear it Beating
more and more violently – I turned over
and sat up in Bed – looked out into
the Darkness – Everything became
so quiet except for the violent beating of
my Heart – Tossing and turning in Bed

MM T 2800, p. 71

A terrible Angst –
Was it Death – there was a hissing sound in my
Ears – my Feet were ice cold –

    The next Day the Doctor was
called –

    Extreme Fever – You must be Hospitalised –

    – Miss L  came to visit as I lay
there the next Day –

    I almost regret that I came up
to your room so late she said –

    Yes I said gazing at her –

MM T 2800, p. 73

How strange I thought – she is
funny – – It must be Love

    A few Days ago I accompanied her to her
home – on the Way I had an
Attack – everything faded – I could
not think – could not pull myself together
I staggered from side to side – thought I would
fall – until I managed to say Miss L 
I think it is best I leave You –
otherwise I think I will fall

    – Yes go ahead then she said – it
is so repulsive to see a Corpse

    – I remained in bed for a long period
Miss L came regularly up to my room
– One day she told an obscene

MM T 2800, p. 75

Story –

    I cannot fathom how you can let such things
cross your Lips I said –

    – She gazed indifferently out into Space –
Then I began to go out again –
but it was taking time to regain my
Strength –

    So I went up to the Doctor and
said what is your opinion – it is taking
such a long time and I have
planned a trip to Paris –

    Yes perhaps the southern Atmosphere will help
he said –

    I had come down with Bronchitis –
So I made the decision to leave
and said to Miss L  – I am travelling to
Paris –

MM T 2800, p. 77

    Yes well I have also planned to travel
she said –

    Yes well then it is decided I said –
I am travelling to Berlin first –
– Where are you staying in Berlin she
asked –

    Hotel Janson  –
– I am leaving tomorrow she said –
And I in a few Days I said –

    From the Hotel Janson I then received the
first Letter – She had taken a room
there –

    – I received a Letter from Hauge 
he had been admitted to a Clinic – he
asked me to come –

    I went up to his room – well now we are

MM T 2800, p. 79

both sick he said –

    I caught something nasty from a
Girl and have had surgery –

---

    Brandt  received a Letter from Berlin
– The Letter was full of declarations of Love
– I await you with Longing –
Brandt wrote back as
eloquently as he could –

    He was thinking of her beautiful
Countenance – her lovely Hair –
avoided all expressions of Love

    He wanted to prevent her from
believing in a passionate Love –

    What he thought and felt –
about the Relationship – She was odd

MM T 2800, p. 81

he thought –

    But if he recovered – began
working in Paris –

    And then they met occasionally
– learned to know one another better

MM T 2800, p. 170

56 Collars
12 Pairs of Cuff Links

4/334 Schiefler 
1 5758 Bock and son 

MM T 2800, p. Vi

    

MM T 2800, p. V