MM N 654. The white cat. A short story

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MM N 654, fol. 1r

The white cat

    I soon discovered that it was shy    it preferred to hide
behind the Pictures and was frightened by the slightest Sound –

    It became more compliant during the Course of the Day and I
calmed it down by patting it – It even lay
in the Sunlight for a Spell purring

    The following Day I saw that it had left [droppings] on
the Floor – I grabbed it and as is the custom
pushed its Snout into the Filth –

    It leapt away in wild Fear

    It became shy once more and I had to ingratiate myself
with it – I set out a Saucer of Sand
in a Corner – and awaited the Outcome – In the meantime
I speak coaxingly to it and said we will surely become
Friends. – The Day passed without Accident the following Morning
its Droppings lay on the Floor right
Beside the Saucer – there was nothing in it – I picked
it up again and said to it: We could become the best of Friends

MM N 654, fol. 2r

but this will not do – I placed its Snout against the
Droppings and smacked it – it dashed off into a Corner
and did not appear again that Day

    Spring erupted in Paris – The Chestnut trees sprouted their
erect Candles above the palm-like Leaves that
spread their Fans above the humid steaming
Boulevard – and above Men and Women who walked arm in
Arm intoxicated with Spring like the Chestnut leaves –

    I sat in my Studio and the Sun cast its Rays down
into the heated Room and the Cat slept peacefully in
the Sunlight – there was a certain feeling of Cosiness

    My Thoughts wandered – I was in a little
Boat without Oars and without Rudder – I lay on the Floor
and allowed myself to glide freely with the Current

    – I had sailed with
Rudder and with Sails – and steered – and attempted to plumb
the Depths of the Ocean – I had capsized once
and had often collided – and yet the Voyage
had gone poorly The Outcome had in the end

    Now I was being carried by the Current which was
becoming more and more rapidly forceful – where – am I being taken –  …   … 
 … 

MM N 654, fol. 3r

    I stood up stroked the Cat and said
Outside it is Spring Everything is in love the Birds, the Chestnut Trees
– the Flowers and Animals – and People walk
in pairs under the Foliage – only we two are not
in love – but it’s just possible that You and I
have the Desire to participate in Life’s great
Game – Then I went to my Restaurant –

    – The following day the Saucer was surrounded by
a Ring of the Cat’s Droppings – and I heard the Cat
meowing pitifully behind a Canvas – so it
understood what it had done – and I thought should
I keep it and reprimand it or kill it
– I decided to reprimand it once more – and
smacked it hard – it howled pitifully and leapt
away in wild Fear. – Nothing improved.

    I surrendered Unconditionally for a few Days
and had the Droppings removed –

    One evening I had a Party Ladies and Gentlemen – en-
camped on Carpets and Couches in the Studio – Suddenly
a white Cloud dashes over everyone’s Head – the Ladies squeal

MM N 654, fol. 4r

it was the Cat – It was not seen again that Evening

    The following day two Men were working on the Skylight
Then I see the Cat slowly approach – looking
up at the Ceiling –

    Its gaze inquisitive and anxious – the Gaze of a
Human Being – the Gaze gave me an ominous
feeling – All at once it dashed Squealing
in Panic from one Side of the Studio to
another and then disappeared behind a Picture.

    One Day I had a naked female Model – a small
Parisian woman flexible and nimble in all her Limbs –
all at once I see the Cat sidle up
to the white Body affectionate and purring –
They were like two Humans or two Cats –

    One Morning the Cat’s Droppings were
on my Pictures – and I spoke to the Cat

    You and I could get along so nicely if it weren’t for this
one thing – if You had Ears like us Humans
then You would have understood everything – now I have to kill You
and I thought about how I would carry it out.

MM N 654, fol. 5r

    The most repulsive thing I know is a dead Cat – one sees
dead Cats everywhere half decayed like berries.
The Hide and everything stinking – by the Seashore where
one likes to swim – under Board fences and in the street –

    I did not kill the Cat     but put it
out in the Garden –

    It was cold at Night and I often heard
it cry. To begin with I gave it food –

    One Evening when I came home the entire flagstone
outside the Door was covered in the Cat’s Droppings –

    Then I didn’t give it any more – and I heard its persistent
Cries – I tried to put it in the Street – but
it cried so pitifully that I brought it back into
the Garden –

    Its Cries were heart-rending and the Neighbours
thought I was a cruel Man – now and then
it was given Food by the Neighbours – yet the Cat’s Droppings
always lay in front of my Door

    Well then You must Die I said to it – but decided

MM N 654, fol. 6r

to give it to a Boy I met in
the Street –

    Take it away Somewhere or other but
far away from here so I don’t see it again and gave
him 1 Franc –

    The following day I am eating Dinner in a nearby
Restaurant – the Roast Hare was finally served – It tasted
quite good although my Appetite was not great.

    – Suddenly I find myself staring
into a Face – that is staring back at me – Who
is it – the Boy from yesterday

    Why is he staring at me like that and how I stared at him
– the Roast Hare [was]   The Cat – I had eaten the white
Cat –