MM T 2783. Sketchbook

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MM T 2783, fol. 00-R

MM T 2783, fol. 00-Ri

MM T 2783, fol. 1-Ri

MM T 2783, fol. 1-Vi

MM T 2783, p. 1

My Life is like
this little Room

Florenz smiles
with white Teeth
out there in the Sea of Light
– of the Arno valley – with
its Domes and Towers
–
Like it I shall

MM T 2783, p. 2

only dimly perceive
this wonderful
luminous Life
but never enter
into it –

Love and
Life will not be
otherwise for me
dear T –

Believe that I

MM T 2783, p. 3

wish You all the
best – Try to
resign yourself to it – Try
to refrain from expecting
that which is
impossible –

Be my Friend
and let us try to
help one another
both [of us] during Life’s
Difficult moments

MM T 2783, p. 4r

But it cannot
work when You de-
mand Roses
where no Roses
grow –

Instead I wish to
give You

MM T 2783, p. 5

– the Doctor had
said she was in the beginning stage
of Consumption – and full
of Compassion I
wished to write a Letter
that was
endearing without my
having to lie –

My Love
for You is no
less than before

MM T 2783, p. 6r

I think on the contrary
that it is greater … –
– but –

The terrible
thing was that
she was not
aware of her
illness – She

MM T 2783, p. 7

had lived a
healthy Life – and
noticed …

and I lay low
Due to the
many Years – of Struggle –
– Whatever it was that
ailed me – Overexertion
Carousing – Poor nerves
– and the incessant

MM T 2783, p. 8

I was tired to
Death – and I was expected
to satisfy – to
enliven this
blooming –
vivacious Woman
with the lethal
Vestiges in her –

MM T 2783, p. 9

– How I laugh
now at all my
desperate Attempts to
explain how
things were – to
explain it to her
so she would
be a reasonable
Girl – who understood
me – who resigned a

MM T 2783, p. 10

little – and was willing
to wait a little – thus
making it
– at least
tolerable for us both –
– I would not
be hunted like a
wild Animal – for
Love is
a Flower – that
has its Birth

MM T 2783, p. 11

and its Growth –

Cupid does not
come in a Suit of Armour or
Armour Plate – he comes on
tip toe and whispers
the Music of Love
in Your Ears –

How I laugh at
my insane
Attempts – my
naive endeavours

MM T 2783, p. 12

to get her
to understand –
My wild Rage
every Time I
understood that I
had spoken again and again
so wisely and so
convincingly – and
then a little Word
from her proved
that it was futile

MM T 2783, p. 13

My insane
Outbursts of Wrath –
over these
brief Replies of hers
– which in their com-
plete Lack
of Logic appeared
to be a Reply –

My insane
Wrath at these

MM T 2783, p. 14

Weeping fits
of Hers when
she could not find a
reply –

My impotent
Wrath over this
Weeping that
constricted
my Heart

MM T 2783, p. 15

out of
Compassion –
and Despair

How I laugh at
my naive
Attempts – the
Depletion of
all of my reserves

MM T 2783, p. 16

of Reason – of
Imagination – of
Entreaties –

I laugh because I know that
She did not
want to understand – it was
her Decision
not to understand

MM T 2783, p. 17

The satanic
comedy of it
– And to think – that
I – who conducted
all of my Behaviour
towards her out of
Compassion –
was branded

MM T 2783, p. 18

as the unfeeling
and callous one – the
more I gave
the more was demanded

MM T 2783, p. 19

My Thoughts then
turn to Paris
where I –
driven by her
Pleas – by her
tear-stained Letters
travelled to keep my
Pledge – Ill and
weary I came to
meet her

MM T 2783, p. 20

She was together
with H –

How it disgusted
me her
Coquetry which
I understood was – partly
to make
me jealous partly
also out of a
Desire to make an

MM T 2783, p. 21

impression on H

What contemptible
humbug
I thought it was –

I had nearly
lay down in Your
Bed –

Ugh how contemptible

How empty Paris – was

MM T 2783, p. 22

in the middle of
Spring – Chestnut trees
sprouted their white
Spring candles into
the Air – everything
was on the point
of breaking out –
there was not
– the least Fragrance

MM T 2783, p. 23

or Melody –

A Corpse’s
Smile lay over everything

I will come to
You this Afternoon
– then we lay in
one another’s Arms –
– and the Scene commenced
once again –

In the Name of

MM T 2783, p. 24

Heaven do
not Torment me
to Death – allow
me to recover my health –

Then I travelled
home in the Hope that
the Summer would
make me well

MM T 2783, p. 39

I was walking along with
two Friends. The sun was
setting and the Sky
suddenly turned to Blood
and my Friends
walked ahead
– I paused by
the Railing tired to
Death – Above the blue
cold Fjord and City it
was flaming red and
yellow and I felt
a great Scream pass through
Nature

MM T 2783, p. 40

As the Tree feels how
each and every Branch; a
Leaf a Fruit shall
grow forth so
do Human Beings feel
their Destiny – the
Things that are to Come –

Human destinies
are like Planets that
meet emerge from their
own Darkness meet
and vanish again each into

MM T 2783, p. 41

their own Darkness –
Only a few merge
together in
dazzling Flames –

Friends are disguised
Enemies – They sneak
into one’s House
Consume Your Food, drink
Your Wine –

They put Poison in
Your … and stab you
in the Back

MM T 2783, p. 42

From Your large
black Eyes invisible
Hands draw
delicate Threads
through the Pupils
of my Eyes
and twine Them
around my Heart

MM T 2783, p. 43

When You left
me – It felt as
though it tore
at my Heart and
even when You were
far across the Ocean
It felt like
an open Wound
and as though the delicate Threads
tore at the fibres of my
Heart.

MM T 2783, p. 44

The Present

An Ache was
born a tiny Hope
a little Smile –
the Smile vanished
faded away with
a sigh

Millenniums passed
and Generations trampled
upon Generations –

MM T 2783, p. 45

To a Woman

I am like a
Sleepwalker who
walks on the Gable
of a Roof –

I walk calmly with sure step
in my Dreams –

Do not Call too
loudly to me or
I will lie crushed
amidst the Street
Urchins –

MM T 2783, p. 46

The Kiss –

A warm Rain fell
I held her around
the Waist – she follows
slowly –

Two large Eyes facing
mine – a wet
Cheek against mine
my Lips
sank into hers

MM T 2783, p. 47

The Trees and the Air and
the entire Earth vanished
and I looked into a new
World – I had never
dreamed of before

Humans you are
great for you contain
a World in you
– and you are truly
small for you

MM T 2783, p. 48

are a little
Germ toiling
on the Earth’s Surface

A Woman’s Weeping
And Entreaties
are like the Tactics
of a cunning Enemy who
retreats only
to suddenly attack
and conquer a new
Position

MM T 2783, p. 49

The Earth perspired
Slime and it became
Flora Fauna and
Human Beings –

The Earth loved
the Air – it
ate into the Earth
and the earth became

MM T 2783, p. 50

Air and the Air
became Earth –
The Trees stretched
their Branches
towards the Sky –
and out of the Air’s
Nitrogen
and the Trees separated
from the Earth and
began to move –

MM T 2783, p. 51

and they became Humans

Everything is Life and
Movement –
The spark of
Life is found
even in the Earth’s
Bedrock –